Remembrance
by TheUsagi1995
Summary: 1-shot. Coda to 12x16. Sam remembers Madison, who he wasn't able to save. He blames himself for her death and thinks that he should have tried harder to save her. Especially after he finds out that there is a cure for werewolves. Good thing Dean will always be there to comfort him, and chase the doubts away... Emotionally hurt Sam, edgy/protective/caring Dean, kissing, Wincest.


_**A/N! Hey there to you all! I hope that you're doing great! So, This will be the last story I will publish for a while, because I will be taking a break. Easter has come and I'm putting aside the computer for about two and a half weeks. Now, about this story. It as a request from my reader Jess, whom I deeply thank for the opportunity she has given me! Asking me to write a story may sound like nothing much, but it's so important for me. Anyway, the idea was hers, and so I tried my best to write the story.**_

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 _ **Here is what she asked for:**_

 _ **"I really loved Madison and I still cry my eyes out every time I watch it. And now the show has gone such a different direction with werewolves, like you can be a werewolf and still have a happy, productive life. So, I would really love a coda for last night's episode with sad Sam questioning if he did the right thing with Madison and Dean comforting him."**_

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 _ **I would have never done it however without my dear Geekyfangirl131, whom I deeply, for checking the story out. She is great and I can't thank her enough for all her help! Also, I have to say a Huge, huge Thank you to Fenix21, who helped me with the flow and with reforming, as ell as rephrasing some sentences which were not entirely correct. This story wouldn't have been the same without them. I can't thank them enough...**_

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 _ **Also, keep in mind that I do not own Supernatural, or any of its characters. Only my vivid imagination. No money is made from this.**_

 _ **So, off we go! A/N!**_

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 **FULL SUMMARY:**

 **After the events which take place in 12x16 "Ladies drink free..." Sam's body and mind, are both wrecked by old memories. Memories of Madison, who he hadn't been able to save. Sam blames himself for her death and thinks that he should have tried harder to save her. Especially after he finds out that there is a cure for werewolves. Good thing Dean will always be there to comfort him, and chase the doubts away...**

 ** _"Remembrance..."_**

From the moment he heard the desperate, high-pitched scream, Sam knew something bad had happened. All he could do, as he was running along the path near the tall trees, going deeper and deeper into the forest, was to hope that Claire's scream wouldn't be the last sound to ever escape her lips. Seeing her lying on the ground, whimpering in pain, made Sam's stomach flip, but the brown haired man moved closer to the girl, gathering her in his arms. "I've got you, Claire, I've got you, I've got you..." he mumbled, over and over again, the words leaving his lips effortlessly, whilst his hands searched for any sign of injury.

* * *

For a moment, just a mere second, he thought that the young girl might have escaped unscathed. But it was a futile hope, because hell, when had he ever been so lucky? His hazel eyes widened and then fell closed, when he saw the bite mark, when he beheld the blood oozing out of the wound. God, this wasn't fair, not for Claire, not for Garth, not for Madison... Madison, yes, because Sam had never forgotten her, despite the fact that he had met her over a decade ago. And how could he ever forget her? Her beautiful brown eyes, her long elegant hands, her soft words... No, he had never forgotten her. He had just managed to lock the memories he had of her away, somewhere in the depths of his mind. He had locked them away and had sealed the door, for that was the only way he could go on with his life. Because Madison had been more than a simple one night stand, so much more.

* * *

She had ever so gently, levered Sam's heart open. She had been the first one, with whom he had made love, after Jessica's untimely death. And above all else, she had been the reason Sam had opened his heart up to Dean a few days later. Her death had been the reason why, Sam had finally spoken of his feelings for Dean aloud, something which had ended up, in the brother's mutually confessing their true feelings to one another. It was all thanks to Madison, whom Sam had not been able to save, all those years ago. Madison, who had asked him to save her, even if that meant that he would have to be the one to kill her...

* * *

And back then, there was no other choice, no cure for werewolves, no guarantee that if left free in the wild, they would maintain a low profile. No guarantee that they could keep their hands clean, and their teeth and claws, away from innocent people. So, Sam had no other choice but to pull the trigger, he had no other choice, but to save whatever was left of the woman who had helped him, in so many ways.

* * *

Now, ten years had gone by, ten long years, and so, one would think that there would be a way to reverse all this, a way to save the victim from such a cruel fate. But, with the exception of Garth, there was no such way, not that Sam knew of anyway, thus, he was back to square one, pinned to a chair, listening to Claire's pleas and broken words. "I'd rather die..." Claire was saying, and the words had echoed in Sam's head loudly, unlocking doors in his mind that the younger version of himself, had tried so very hard to seal. So, that was it? No, Sam refused to give up. There had to be a way. He couldn't let Claire die, like he had let Madison, he wouldn't make the same mistake.

* * *

For better or worse, Sam had stood by what he believed was right, and had searched for that so called, 'other way.' It wasn't easy, and the possibility of Claire ending up dead, regardless of what 'other way' he would find, was still high, but for all Sam knew, there was a slight ray of hope that she would pull through as well. Who knew? Maybe, just this once, luck would be by their side. Maybe, just maybe, this time, things would end up well. Because Claire was young, and beautiful, and a good person. Just like Madison had been, in her own way. But Madison had died...

* * *

Madison had died. So, when Claire's body had stopped convulsing and had gone rigid, Sam felt as if the earth had caved in, right from under his feet. It wasn't until the moment she opened her eyes again, that Sam felt the world began to spin once more. Sam had found himself thanking Chuck for what had just happened, and as he let his eyes flutter close, Madison's face passed before them. God, this wasn't good. He could feel the guilt pouring out of him, he could feel it, eating him up, as more flashes of Madison's beautiful face came to his mind.

* * *

He needed to be alone in the room. All this mess with Claire had taken its toll on him, Sam knew that for sure. But he couldn't find a good enough excuse so as to get away without raising suspicions. So, when Mick had offered to take the, by that point cured Claire, downstairs for dinner, Sam had almost pushed them out the door. He needed to be left alone. He needed to calm down, to stop his hands from shaking, to stop his heart from beating like a drum. He needed to be left alone, so as to try and get his emotions back in order, something which he knew, was easier said than done.

* * *

No sooner had Mick and Claire walked out the door, than Sam let himself collapse on the couch the room had to offer. His body sank on the soft pillows, too drained and exhausted, wrecked by old memories. Sam let out a long breathy sigh, pressing his palm between frowned brows. "Tough day, right Sammy?" Dean's voice echoed in the room, not a minute later. "Yeah, tough day to say the least." Sam replied, swearing under his breath at his brother's sudden appearance. "I called Cas, thought he should know what happened with Claire." The older man offered, voice still rough and edgy. "And what did he say?" Sam whispered, biting his bottom lip when he felt Dean's weight on the couch next to him.

* * *

"He said we should have called him sooner, cause, you know, he feels responsible for the kid." Dean continued, closely eyeing his brother's body, taking mental notes of how tense and stiff he was. Dean let his gaze linger on Sam's hunched shoulders, hissing frustratedly at the realization that there was something tormenting his little brother. Clearing his throat, Dean spoke again,only this time, he made sure to somewhat soften his tone. "But he insisted I should tell you he is thankful that you stood up for Claire, that you didn't give up on her when everyone else had, myself included." The green eyed man said. Sam however, barely nodded his head.

* * *

Dean's eyes softened then, and he moved from where he had been sitting, next to Sam, to kneel in front of him, settling himself in between Sam's slightly trembling legs, so as to be able to be at the same eye level with the his brother. His strong hands moved, from Sam's hips all the way up, to his shoulders and the other man couldn't bring himself to resist to the touch. A touch that was unintentionally rough at first, because Dean's body was still on high alert, but was becoming gentler with every passing second, as Dean willed his hands to be light, as they roamed over Sam's body. Sam's hazel eyes fell closed then, and small trails of salty water ran down his well-shaped cheekbones, the sight of which, made Dean's touch freeze and then tremble for a mere second.

* * *

"Tell me what's wrong." Was all the green eyed man said, in a voice barely audible. All the while, his hands kept moving, their touches sending shivers down Sam's tensed back. "Dean, there is nothing wrong, I am fine-" "I know you better than you know yourself Sam, so why is it such a surprise that I can see right through you?" The green eyed man asked, voice remaining low, its tone husky. "You're acting as if I'm your wife." Sam muttered after a few moments of silence, his lips turning up, in a weak smile at the sound of his own words. "This isn't the first time I've heard that." Dean said, chuckling slightly as he spoke. A shadow was spread across his face then, but he brushed it off quickly, focusing on the task at hand. "But that's a conversation for another day." "Right..." Sam replied in a small, quivering voice.

* * *

Dean shifted his weight on his good knee before moving a few inches closer to his brother, who had turned his face away from his emerald gaze. For a mere moment, Dean wondered when his feelings for Sam had turned into something so deep. He wondered, when was the first time he had expressed himself so openly to him, pushing aside all barriers, and above all, he wondered why was he okay with being so open to his brother. His mind however, refused to give any answers, and Dean found himself unwilling to really care about them. Because it didn't really matter that they were so open with one another. It was something natural, which Dean had fought for years on and on, but he wasn't going to fight any longer.

* * *

With that thought in his head, Dean let his right hand rest over Sam's muscled chest, feeling the steady beat of the younger man's heart beneath his palm. The beat of his heart, yes, the beat of a heart which Dean's love and tenderness had patched up and had put back together; the beat of a heart that had ceased to beat many times, and had been broken many more... Sam's pained sigh brought the older man to the present and made his eyes widen in surprise and in panic. "I should have tried harder." Was all Sam uttered in answer to the unasked question which Dean's piercing green eyes had posed.

* * *

"Tried harder? About what?" Dean questioned, his brows coming together as he spoke. "Back then, when we learned that Madison was a werewolf, I should have tried harder to save her." Dean's breath hitched at the sound of his brother's pained words, all while his mind traveled back to that night when he and Sam had first met the young woman. "Sam, that happened years ago-" "No, this doesn't mean anything Dean." Sam shot back, and the hurt in his voice made the older man flinch. "Sammy, there was nothing else to be done-" "Garth was turned into a werewolf and we let him go live his life, along with his wife." "Sam, Garth had been a hunter his entire life. It was easier for him to control himself, as well as his urges." Dean replied, frowning when Sam pushed his hands away from his upper body.

* * *

"Yeah, whatever..." Sam rasped, anger building up in his voice. Dean however, chose to ignore his brother's edgy tone, and replaced his hands on the board plane of Sam's chest, pushing him backwards as he did so. "Sam..." Dean sighed bitterly as he spoke his brother's name, closing his mouth before any more words, which would only piss the younger man off, could come out of his lips. "There was no other way and you know it. We did offer her the alternative of being locked up for a few days of every month, but she wouldn't have it." "Yeah, and who would? Claire refused as well." Sam said, in a voice so filled with guilt that it almost made Dean want to yell at his brother for being so hard on himself.

* * *

But how could he ever do that? Sam was who he was -a giant, overgrown Sasquatch, with a great mind and a great heart, which was filled with kindness, gentleness and the need to help the weak, as well as, those in need. Maybe that was the reason why, he would always feel so useless when they would fail to save someone. And for all Dean knew, Madison wasn't just some random girl. No one as really 'random' to Sam, Dean knew that... So, he swallowed, clearing his throat in order to speak. "Sam, you did the best you could for Madison." Dean said, silently swearing, because those words were not the ones he intended to speak.

* * *

"Yeah, only problem is that, the best I could do, was to shoot her in the heart, twice." Sam spat the words out, venomous, confessing right then, for the very first time, how he had killed the woman. From his tone alone, Dean could tell that Sam couldn't bring himself to remember that night, not even after so many years. The thing was, he would never be able to forget it either. "Sammy, there was no other choice-" "So you've said, but it turns out that there was another choice." "Sam, you should know it better than me, Madison would not want to risk hurting someone she loved." "If I had only insisted on her being locked up for a few days every month, then maybe she would still be alive today. And maybe, now that there is a cure-" Dean however couldn't let this continue. He slid his right hand up, fisting Sam's brown hair, tugging them up with the exact amount of strength, so that he would get Sam's attention without really hurting him.

* * *

"Sam, what you're saying... It could never happen. First of all, this so called 'cure' is something which appeared out of nowhere, and if it wasn't for you, Claire would have never tried it." "Even so, Dean, you shouldn't be so surprised when it comes to the Men of Letters having found a cure. They found a way to cure demons as well." The younger man shot back, feeling his chest tighten. Dean's sharp eyes didn't miss Sam's pained inhale either, so the older man spoke once again, determined to take some of the guilt Sam was feeling, away. "Even if Madison was still alive Sammy, there is a high chance that she wouldn't want to try this so called 'cure'. Or even worse, that she would want to try it, and she would have ended up dead. Like what almost happened with Claire." The older man rasped, voice trembling slightly.

* * *

"That's the point Dean! This case was 'almost like' that one..." Sam managed to utter, leaving the rest of the the words we wanted to say, unspoken. Dean however, knew which those words would have been. 'It almost had the same tragic outcome as well.' Was what Sam wanted to say, but didn't. And Dean also knew, that if the situation were reversed, he wouldn't have been able to have uttered those words either. "I know Sammy, I know..." he whispered, feeling Sam's body shaking. "But you can't think like that, man. You know that you can't. The case with Madison was a one way deal from the beginning. We knew that. So, you have to let it go. You have to focus on what happened this time. And this time, things went well." Dean continued, making sure that Sam's weary eyes were on him.

* * *

"What would have happened if the cure-" "The cure worked, Sammy. Thus, there is no point in thinking what would have happened." Dean rasped, trying to hide the fear in his voice, because he couldn't bear the thought that Claire could have died. If he didn't succeed in doing so, was left to Sam to judge. "The cure worked Sam, because you insisted on giving it a try. And because of that, Claire is safe and sound now, eating with mister Robert of Downton Abbey, downstairs." Dean said, in a firm voice, the sound of which made Sam's glassy eyes open wide. "As for Madison..." Dean's voice cracked then, faded a little, but he cleared his throat and spoke again before Sam could interrupt. "You did everything you could Sam, taking into account the limited information we had at our disposal at the time." Dean assured, voice soft, but sure.

* * *

"Dean, I didn't-" "You did everything you could Sam, and you know it. And more importantly, Madison knew it as well." The older man muttered, drawing Sam forwards so that he would be able to rest his forehead on Dean's shoulder. "Did she, Dean?" Sam dared to ask, all the while hooking his hands into the front of Dean's shirt, grabbing fistfuls of it. "Yeah, Sammy, she did. She did, baby boy..." Dean promised, as he cupped the back of Sam's head with his left hand, running his fingers through rather long, brown locks. They stayed like that for a long while - Dean humming deep in his throat, all while, running the fingers of his left hand through Sam's hair and with Sam, taking in deep, but sharp breaths, as he tried to calm himself down.

* * *

Eventually, Sam's breathing evened out and the younger man raised his head from where he had hid it, in the crook of Dean's neck. Their eyes met and Sam smiled softly, as he released Dean from his fierce hold. "We should gather up our stuff and get out of here." Dean said after a while, thinking that their partnership with the British had come to an end. Especially, after the death of that young girl at the hands of Mick. "Dean... I... I know that there was nothing that could be done about Madison." "Good, that's good Sammy." Dean encouraged, as he got on his feet, growling as his muscles twitched as he moved. "Dean... I also know why you want us to leave. But Claire is alive because of a cure they told us about." Sam said, voice low.

* * *

Surprisingly, the older hunter didn't make any snarky comments on what his brother had just said. "She would be dead, like Madison, if it weren't for that Mick guy." "Sam-" "I know he killed the girl and that is something I keep in mind. But I... They did for Claire, what I couldn't do for Madison." Sam said, as he walked over Dean. "But it's your choice. I know I should have told you I was working with them from the very beginning, and I'm sorry I didn't. So... Now it's your turn to decide. Whatever you say, we'll do." Sam uttered and Dean was left stunned, eyes fixed on Sam's body. He was still tense, Dean could tell as much, but he could also see that Sam was breathing easier now, and that he had indeed, given up all control.

* * *

Dean looked Sam straight in the eyes, all the while moving closer to him, careful not to touch the younger man. "I don't like the Brits, Sam." He stated, and the other man could only nod his head in agreement. "And if things were simpler, then I wouldn't even be considering the possibility of working with them for another second." "I hear you," was all Sam could say, because Dean was right. "But, you're right, Claire wouldn't have stood a chance without them." The green eyed man admitted, and Sam could see how hard it was for him to speak those words. "So... Here is what we're going to do. We'll give them one more chance. One last chance. And if they mess things up again, there won't be a third one." Dean said, his voice rather hard, but Sam knew he wasn't angry at him.

* * *

"I'm with you..." Was all Sam answered, as he leaned forward, his lips brushing over Dean's. "So, we'll be staying here tonight?" Sam questioned, chuckling. "Seems that we will." Dean replied, cupping both sides of Sam's face with his palms. "Good..." The younger man whispered, as he kissed those puffy, well-shaped lips, slowly at first, and then eagerly, with passion. "I say we move this to the bed." Sam rasped, gulping for breath. "I say we move this to the pool." Dean replied, leaving no room for an argument. "Go, and I'll be right there." Dean encouraged, and the other man obeyed.

* * *

Not ten minutes later, the brothers were standing next to the pool, fully clothed, to Dean's utter disappointment, holding a bottle of cold beer each. "What shall we drink to?" Dean questioned and saw his brother gazing at the full moon, which was hanging over their heads, mirroring itself in the pool's water. "To Madison." Was all Sam said and Dean lowered his gaze. "You know Dean, if it weren't for her, I would have never talked to you about my feelings." Sam confessed, in a small, trembling voice. The older man then gasped silently, as raised his bottle.

* * *

"To Madison." Was all the green eyed hunter said, as the neck of his bottle touched Sam's bottle. The clink of glass echoed loud over the relative quite of water lapping at the pools edge. "To Madison..." Sam repeated, and then they both drank in silence, standing close to one another, gazing at the full moon, which was the only one, who ever saw their lanced fingers, saw the way they were holding hands. And as the wind blew, words of love were exchanged between the brothers, who were much more than just that. And somewhere far, far way, the howling of a wolf echoed loud, breaking the silence of the night...

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 _ **A/N... So, here it ends! I hope that you all enjoyed it! Please let me know what you thought of it, if you can! This is the time when I wish you the best for your vacation, if you have any, or even if you don't have a break, I'm still wishing you the best! See you again soon! :)**_

* * *

 _ **Until the next tine,**_  
 _ **Love you all,**_  
 _ **Usagi!**_


End file.
